Sweet Pea and Me

Oh the Changes

2009-11-14T11:49:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week I read Jenny McCarthy's, "Belly Laughs." So many people rave about the book, but I didn't really find it as funny as I expected. There were however, a few things that made me laugh out loud. It seems that some of her pregnancy side effects were the same as mine, only exaggerated by 100%. For example, her cravings and mood swings were far worse than anything I have experienced. I, on the other hand, am having a bunch of side effects that I have never even heard about.

Before I get into the list of all the not so great things, one of the most amazing feelings that I have experienced is the baby kicking. I was lucky enough to recognize the first sensation at around 16 weeks. Now that I am 19, I feel him all of the time. The other day, Larry felt him kick as well. It was a one off, but I am thinking that by week 20 Larry will be able to really feel him moving more often. It is such a great way for him to be able to share in this experience.

Now without further ado, here are the not so great side effects in no particular order:

VEINS! They are popping up everywhere. We are not talking crazy vericose veins. Just those annoying spider veins. Unfortunately, the place they seem to keep popping up most is my face. I had to go to the mac counter for a whole new makeup regime. I now wear foundation and concealer daily.
RED SPOTS/BLOOD BLISTERS! These little guys are popping up everywhere too! I have the on my hands, arms, breasts, cheek, legs, and more. It seems that no territory has been left behind.
MOOD SWINGS! Now mine haven't yet been as crazy as some that JM had, but they are enough to make my husband's existence difficult. Sometimes I'll take the most minor things out on him, but of course when I do, I am reacting as if they are a huge problem. One second I am the greatest, nicest wife in the world. The next I am Satan.
MOOD SWINGS PT 2! I cry like I have never cried before. The other day I watched a movie called, "Glitter." I don't know if you have heard of it, but it stars Mariah Carey and it really is a bad movie. Well, it didn't matter that it wasn't good. I got mad at Larry for trying to talk to me while I was watching and by the end of the movie I was hysterically crying. Same thing happens whenever I talk to Larry and he offers me a great solution to something that bothers me. The waterworks just start flowing. Then I laugh because I realize how stupid it is that I am crying.
MOOD SWINGS PT 3! My tolerance for people has reached an all time low.
HEART BURN! Well, this just started yesterday but I can already tell it is gonna be a doozie. I was laying on the couch when I suddenly thought my chest was caving in. After a few minutes I realized that it was what so many women complain about during pregnancy: Heart Burn! I have never had heart burn before, but let me tell you it isn't pleasant. I am 19 weeks today an suddenly I feel nauseous every time I eat. Then the burn comes.
DRY SKIN! I lube up with a great moisturizing cream everyday but that hasn't stopped the chap from taking over. I am talking all over the place, my arms, my boobs, my face -- all of them are ashy. I hydrate as much as possible, but it just doesn't matter. I also have dry flaky scalp. Yes DANDRUFF. Head and Shoulders is my new bff.
HOT FLASHES! One second I will be sitting comfortable and the next I need to take off layers of clothing. At night I start off wearing pjs and often times wake up with no covers on and completely naked. That is with the thermostat set at 71 degrees and the air blowing.
OH MY HAIR! I don't know where to begin with my hair. The first trimester it just plain fell out. Now it is thicker but the texture is different. It used to be curly, then wavy. Now it is both or neither. Everyday I have no idea what I am going to get.
CRAMPS! Not everyone gets them, but I always have with my periods. Now that I am pregnant that hasn't changed. It seems I always am informed about when my uterus is growing because my cramping alarm goes off. The cool thing is now that I am further along, I can see a difference in my belly size a day or two after the cramping/growing.
CAN'T REMEMBER SQUAT (CRS)! What was I gonna say? Oh, I don't remember.
MY BACK!!! This one has got to be the most difficult for me right now. My mid back will go into spasm and the pain is awful. I think it is because I have been on bed rest and my body is sick of laying down, but really I have no idea. Last night I got out of my comfy bed and slept on the floor for more support. It actually was quite comfortable and my back didn't hurt as much. I just hope sleeping on the floor isn't necessary every night.

18 weeks as of 11.10.09

2009-11-10T08:07:00.001-08:00

Here are some pics that my husband took a couple of days ago. We haven't been the best at documenting each month, but we are going to start taking pictures every 4 weeks. These are of me at 18 weeks. Please excuse the outfit and hair. Larry decided that we NEEDED to take these pictures just as I was getting into bed.

The Great Leak of 09

2009-11-10T07:28:00.000-08:00

This post is going to be another copy and paste situation. Long story short, we had a leak after it rained and it ended up being much bigger than we had anticipated. We rent a townhouse and unfortunately it took a lot of arguing and grief to get our landlord to take care of the situation correctly. Below are some quick notes I took while it was happening.

10/13/09

I am pregnant on bed rest. My mother in law is here taking care of me. In the afternoon she walked on the carpet near our kitchen and noticed a wet spot. We put a towel down but didn’t think anything of it as it was raining outside and thought maybe we stepped on the ground with wet shoes.

A couple of hours later my husband came home from work and noticed the wet spot as well. Only this time it was bigger. We put down towels and called the landlord to let them know we had a leak. Underneath our kitchen is the laundry room. When my husband went to the laundry room he noticed that the leak had come down through the ceiling and was soaking up the ceiling.

10/14/09

My husband went downstairs to find that the wet floor had spread about 4 feet across our dining area. When he went to the laundry room the ceiling was now dripping water. We had to put down two buckets to soak up the water coming from above. We called and left a message for the landlord who said they would take care of it. At this point the house smells like mildew.

First, the landlord sends over her husband who built the building. He searched for the source of the leak, but didn’t know for sure. It wasn’t coming from the roof because we live in a 4 story building and the leak started in the floor of the 2nd level.

A few hours later, they sent the building handyman to pull back the carpet. He pulled the carpet back and put on a fan. He propped the carpet up with a honey dew he took from our kitchen. The padding was left on the ground. When we talked to the landlord she said the was all that needs to be done and that we are overreacting.

We decided to call ServePro to find out how they would deal with this type of situation. They obviously did not see the leak, but gave us what they would generally do. They said that we needed to pull the padding up from the carpet, get professional fans, a dehumidifier and heaters for the drywall. None of which was being done. At this point it is 9pm and we leave a message for the landlord telling her that more needs to be done because we do not feel safe.

10/15/09

The landlady came in the morning to check out the place. She said that everything was being done the way it needed to. They would poke a couple of holes in the ceiling to let out the moisture and then it would all dry in a couple of days.

Larry and her got into a conversation about safety and how what she is suggesting is not safe for a wife on bed rest. We told her what ServePro said and told her that we would accept nothing less. We even offered to pay her $300 to just get it done right.

A little while later someone came to assess the situation and gave her an estimate. Then we heard nothing for a couple of hours. Eventually, she came back with someone else who gave an estimate that she was happy with. Isabelle, the landlord, said the guy would be here before 4pm or after 6pm, but when we called him personally he said he would not be coming until the morning because Isabelle is jerking him around with cost. He said he would come at 9am to start work if she would sign the papers needed to begin.

10/16/09

The specialist and Isabelle arrived at 9am. Isabelle got mad at us because we told the specialist, Gabriel, that I was pregnant on bed rest. She complained that he was going to hike up the price now. All we cared about was that he did it safely. He promised that he would and said that his reputation is important to him.

After a brief inspection they found the situation was more than just drying out carpets and drywall due to a leak. There was mold in our kitchen and dining area. They spent the day putting up plastic to block the spores from releasing when they cut into the drywall. Our pantry had to be removed from the kitchen and all of the food is in boxes in our living room. Our refrigerator is in the middle of the kitchen and it was recommended that I do not go down there. Even better would be that my husband doesn’t either.

The place looks like it is under quarantine. In the morning, they will be back to block off the basement/laundry room area so that they can cut into the drywall without releasing any spores into the air. It doesn’t look like the mold is down below.

Gabriel has recommended that all the carpet be replaced where it got wet because it is not healthy.

I didn't continue documenting over the following week so I will summarize the rest. It ended up that the leak had been occurring for a while in the ground and that we had a lot of mold. They had to cut out the bottom 2 feet of kitchen wall and they had to redo the pantry because there was black mold underneath it. We had very little access to our kitchen and couldn't turn on the lights because they were under the tenting used to block the spores from releasing in the house.

After Gabriel finished the job (he was fantastic) he called in a specialist to measure the spore count. We had to wait 2 days until we got the results. Unfortunately, they came back positive. So, they had to cut out more drywall so that the inside of the wall could dry out more. Long story short, after 2 1/2 weeks and a short stay in a hotel while they painted, we got our house back on October 30. There are still some things left to be done, but overall, we hve our kitchen back!

Here are some pics of the situation...

The Landlord's Solution: Pull up the carpet and prop with a honey dew

The final solution: pull up carpet, padding and tear out walls for mold quarantine

Making Strides

2009-11-10T07:05:00.000-08:00

4 weeks out from my fall and I am doing significantly better. According to the doctor, the lil bean is no worse for the wear. I felt everything that happened but he (that's right, he) had no idea anything was going on. Last week I had an ultrasound at the perinatologist and they measured him to see if he was tracking alright. He is absolutely perfect for where he is supposed to be at this time. Our due date is confirmed as April 10 based on his size.

In other great news, I haven't had cramping or bleeding for 2 weeks! The doctor said that this is great news and if it continues by week 20 that she may move me from "high risk" to a "normal" pregnancy. I don't know if that means I will be able to go back to prenatal yoga, but it does mean that I can be off my feet more than 3 -4 hours at a time.

Bed rest was really a miserable experience. I think it was extra awful because once I passed the clot, my pain went away and the bleeding stopped (thank goodness). After that, my body returned to stasis and I felt fine. To be confined to bed 24 hours a day except to go to the bathroom is not just boring, but it is depressing. To top all of that off, it rained the day after we got home from the hospital and the house flooded. I will post a separate quick post on that situation but the good news is that the house is better and so am I.

In other great news, I couldn't ask for better friends or family during this time. Over the course of a month, I had very few days where someone did not stop by to help out or just visit. Even now that I am on modified bed rest I still have people coming by or checking in everyday via phone. Those visits rocked and continue to rock my world. I would have gone insane without them. Now I get out for 3 - 4 hours a day and I could not be more appreciative of the world around me.

Little things like going on a walk or actually doing the shopping for the family are such big deals for me right now. Walking the mall with a friend or even getting to look for baby furniture in person vs online is a wonderful gift. When I thought that I might be on bed rest for the entire pregnancy I was so sad that I wouldn't get to experience the things that many women get to experience while pregnant. I wanted to experience people annoyingly rubbing my belly or commenting on how much my tummy grew. I wanted to register for a shower in person or even have a shower. I wanted to experience shopping for maternity clothes. At one point, those little hopes were taken away. Now they are a reality and I am so thankful.

From Bad to Worse to Not-So-Bad

2009-11-10T06:59:00.000-08:00

This email was started in the hospital and finished at home. I'll start the email by saying as horrible as things sounded in the hospital. I feel that much better now. This email was not proofed. Sorry for all the switching of tenses and grammatical errors. :)

Written from Hospital
Well I have to be honest, I never expected pregnancy to be like this. Up until week 12 I was having a relatively awesome pregnancy. Yes, I know the first trimester is when most people have their hardest time, but I am no normal gal. Right when I hit the second trimester my pregnancy did a 180. Let me just start out by saying that I am still pregnant and we are very happy about that!

I'll start from where I left off.

Thursday night - my pain level went off of the charts. I actually started having contractions and my bleeding increased. If memory serves me they were 40 - 60 seconds long 3 - 5 minutes apart. It was absolutely awful. Luckily, I called the doctor on earlier in the day to make an appointment for Friday am.

Friday am - At this poing I hadn't slept in 3 days. Shelli, Lar and I went to the perinatologist bright and early. He took us in right away. I
absolutely LOVE this doctor. I got an ultrasound and the baby was doing great. He said the source of bleeding was gone as well. Unfortunately, with no source of bleeding, my pain level and contractions should have gone away or at least reduced, but they were getting worse. Over the course of 3 days my cervix shortened from 3.2 to 2.8 cm when resting, but when contracting it went down to 1.6 cm. They generally feel a safe cervix is 3.5 cm. We will hopefully cross the cervix bridge in a couple of weeks when we get through this phase. Right now, we need to get over the imminent miscarriage threat. The doctor decided that it was best to check me into the hospital and "snow" me. This means drug me up good so that I can rest.

Friday afternoon - after an hour wait in the labor and delivery waiting room (not the place you want to be when you are told that you are more than likely going to miscarry) we were admitted into the hospital. That's when
the good stuff happened. For the sake of my fingers and your time I am going to keep this short. I ended up with some kind of infection and had to be put on antibiotics. I ran a fever, chills, body aches. It was awful. They had me on morphine for the pain and a crazy strong antibiotic to fight whatever else was going on. Here I was avoiding caffeine. :) By the end of the day I was bleeding worse than ever and the pain was off the charts. I was having constant contractions and was kinda miserable, but felt better being in the hospital under constant care.

Saturday - I woke up with worse pain! I was having contractions every 1 - 3 mins. The nurses told me that this was the baby coming out and as soon as it did I would feel better. Lar and I were so sad, but I also felt that if this was going to happen, then please just let it happen because it was so painful. I ended up passing a huge clot (Lar called it a scorpion), but no baby. My
doctor said to expect the contractions and bleeding. I would know if I was passing the baby because a 3 inch baby would come out. She gave me an ultrasound and said the baby is actually super happy and in a great place. It hadn't descended at all. We were so glad, but couldn't believe the rollercoaster of emotions. I am so glad that my doctor came in on her weekend off to check in. It was so nice to see and hear from her vs the nurses and residents on staff. She made us at least a little more hopeful. After I passed the clot, the contractions and bleeding reduced. I felt great!

Sunday - the migraine kicks in. I am finally off morphine, only to be put on vicodin. But, nothing else. I actually felt great all things considering. the doc said the migraine is normal and to expect it for up to 4 weeks. Here I am the girl who decided not to read any maternity books because I didn't want to psychosomatically take on what I was reading. I end
up getting everything you can get. My doctor did visit again and sat down with us for about 20 minutes to discuss any questions. She told me the specialist would come in on Monday morning to determine whether or not I could be discharged based on my ultrasound.

Written from home

I actually wrote a lot more from the hospital but I guess it wasn't saved. Better off.

Sunday evening - Besides the headache I feel great! The only negative of the night is the woman in the room next door kept knocking out her IV so it beeped every 5 minutes. I didn't get a good nights sleep and my head ached, but all things considering I am in a good place.

Monday am - The specialist arrived bright and early for the ultrasound. The baby looks and is doing great! WIth all of the bleeding and contractions, the baby was not impacted. In fact, it had grown since Friday! When I asked him about my cervix, he told me it was smaller but he didn't give me the measurement. He said that he is no longer worried about me and that I can resume seeing my OB regularly and if I need to I can see him when worried.

Today - I feel sooo much better. I have absolutely no cramping and very little bleeding. In fact, I had no bleeding for almost 18 hours, but just had a little. I'll take the spotting as a little reminder to take it easy and appreciate how far I have come. Larry and I were saying that last week may have been one of the worst of our lives. The unknown is and was awful. The fact that we have made it home with a baby still in tact is very promising. My hope is that I will be taken off of bed rest in the next couple of weeks. I'll definitely keep you updated as I get more info.

Now what?
As it stands, I am still labeled a "high risk" pregnancy. I am on bed rest until further notice, but if things go well there is potential to be taken off. A nurse will come to the house weekly to administer a progesterone
shot, which helps smooth the uterine muscles.

I am camped out upstairs in my bedroom until we get a bed delivered for the main level. Lar set up my desktop on a breakfast in bed tray so now I have access to internet! Visitors are welcome anytime! I plan on being as productive as possible with my time. Maybe I will take a few online courses and learn a language. Has anyone tried Rosetta Stone?

in general, the best place to reach me is on my home phone. The cell is annoying me to use while laying down.

Thanks for all of your love and warm wishes.

xoxo,
Sam

The fall wasn't so minor after all

2009-11-10T06:54:00.001-08:00

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I fell back at the end of September. That same day I went to the doctor and it seemed that everything was fine with the pregnancy. A week later, that all changed. I wrote two emails updating friends and family about the situation as it was happening. Rather than rewrite for my blog, I am just going to post those emails as is.

This first email is dated October 8:

Hi family and friends,

Sorry if I have been MIA. I am on bed rest for a little while. Below are the details about how this came to be.

Last Tuesday - I fell down 8 stairs. We all know I should be placed in a bubble. :)

Saturday - I had a little bit of spotting.

Monday - fainted (almost). I would have if I didn't hang onto a door but still collapsed to the floor. I called my OB and she told me that my body is telling me to rest so take the day off.

Tuesday - woke up and there was some spotting. I called my doctor again and she told me to come in to get an exam. Went in and the spotting had stopped, but she sent me to the specialist anyway because it looked like my cervix is shorter than they would like it to be. We went to the specialist and she said that all was good. She sent me home to rest. I was put on bed rest until 72 hrs after the bleeding stops and asked to come back in 2 weeks to remeasure the length.

Tuesday night - the wrath of God came down on my uterus. I can't imagine being in more pain. Oh the cramping! I was screaming and crying. I honestly don't know if labor is worse than what I was experiencing. The pain caused me to vomit and I was bleeding a bunch. It was a nightmare. We called the doctor who said there was nothing we can do, but if we want go into the doctor in the morning.

Wednesday - woke up with A LOT of bleeding. I was going to go to ER but decided I would probably catch swine flu so instead we waited for the doc to open. :) We ended up going to the specialist who found the source of the bleeding.

The Doctor's response:
The good news - If you are going to bleed, the bleeding is coming from the best place possible. It has nothing to do with the cervix, placenta or the sac. It is coming from the opposite side on the uterine wall. He was even able to see the cramping on the ultrasound. We don't know why it is happening (maybe the fall, but not sure), but it looks like it is starting to congeal.
The not so good news - Basically, when you have cramping and bleeding you are labeled a "threatened miscarriage." He said that it means things are in God's hands now. I am either going to 1. pass the clot or my body will reabsorb the blood which is what we want or 2. I am going to miscarry. It is 50/50 at this point.
The better news - He is optimistic that things will be okay based on where the bleeding is coming from. He said that if it was the cervix, placenta or the sac that would be a definite miscarriage, but we are not in that category. In fact, my cervix looked great yesterday!

Thursday - today I am 14 weeks. The baby looks strong and perfect despite the bleeding in the uterus. It is the right size, all the organs look good so we know the lil' bean is strong.

So now, we wait and I rest. Shelli (mother-in-law) flew down and is taking good care of me until Saturday and may fly down again next week.

My pain is significant, but bearable. I am still bleeding, but the worst part is the waiting. I am nervous, but hoping for the best. My dad called me (I know!) and he told me that my mom had horrible cramping when pregnant with my brother. So much so that they went to the hospital every week. That news actually pacified me a bit. My brother was born 6 weeks early, but he was fine.

That's the story. I promise to keep you updated.

Please keep the lil' bean in your thoughts. Feel free to call or stop by. I'm not going anywhere. :)

xoxo,
Sam

Present and Absent: Fears and Felicitations

2009-10-02T20:39:00.001-07:00

One of my biggest fears has been to tell people about my pregnancy. I guess because my mom isn't here and my dad seems to care less I figured why would other people be interested. I mean, my mom and dad are the ones who are supposed to be the most excited besides me. If I can't/don't have their enthusiasm why would or should anyone else care?

These thoughts are unfounded. My in-laws, all of them (mom, dad, sister, brother) couldn't be more excited. Yet for some reason, I still feel a huge void. In my convoluted brain I turned their interest into the thought - Oh, they are happy because their son/brother is having a baby and not because we are. Nothing could be further from the truth. Logically, I know that.

My in-laws could not be more amazing or loving. They call me their NBD (non-biological daughter). My mother-in-law and I talk almost every day. We are very close. Yet something is making it hard for me to accept their love. In fact, I find myself snapping at my mother-in-law for no good reason.

The reason isn't good, but it is clear. I get irritated with the love because it is not coming from MY mom. Unfortunately, I am putting up a wall because I am grieving for my mom. Being pregnant, so may things seem to evoke the thought of her. The more I miss her, the less I want help from others.

I even found it difficult to tell my extended family. Weekly, my mother-in-law would ask if I told my aunt. I would get so irked at the question because I had no intention of telling her. All I could think about was - Why would she care?

Guess what?

She did care!

Everyone has cared. They care more than I ever could have imagined.

My aunt sent me multiple emails about how she is still smiling from the news. My other aunt wrote me a long email congratulating us. Later in the hour I got another email from her about going through this without a mom. It was the most touching email I have ever received. Both of these aunts in particular lost their mom at a young age. If anyone understands what I am going through it is them.

The great response from my aunts made me feel so loved and less fearful. Over the weekend, Lar and I decided to post our due date on Facebook. I could not believe how many well wishes we got from the news. People I haven't spoken to in years were more excited than my dad was. People do care! It seems so dumb that I am excited by comments on Facebook, but it really did make me feel more loved and excited about this process.

The journey has been psychologically and emotionally life changing. Being pregnant is a constant reminder of my mom's presence and absence. I used to think about her on special occasions or at random moments. Now I think of her everyday. Little things bring her to mind.

Did she have food aversions?
Did she have gas?
What would she say to my dad about the way he is acting?
What would she say to me?
What advice would she have about the pregnancy?
When Larry works late nights would she have come over to hang out with me?
Would she have been the one to go with me to the doctor when I fell?

Never have I been more aware of my mom. Never has she felt so far away.

I am using this time to listen and grow. To be vulnerable and strong. To accept love and give love.

Be Careful

2009-10-02T20:16:00.001-07:00

We live in a 4 story rental in Sherman Oaks. We also have a 50 lb German Shephard mix named Sherman. Sherman is a little over a year old and is still learning how to use his breaks.

On Tuesday mornings I have a 7am pilates client. As usual, I woke up at 6am to get ready, walk the dog and have ample time for breakfast. Before I went downstairs Lar asked me to wake him before my client arrived. He likes to go to the gym 3 mornings a week and this was one of them.

At 6:40am I went upstairs to wake him up. Sherman, of course, was right by my side to celebrate in this activity. He likes to lick Larry awake. By 6:45 I was on my way downstairs. I wanted to get a little workout in before my client came.

Sherman follows me like a shadow. Usually when going up or down stairs I make him go first out of fear of falling. This time I was in such a hurry that I ran down the stairs without a care. Suddenly, I heard Sherman barreling behind me.

I stopped to brace for him to run by.

He didn't!

Instead he plowed right into the back of my legs and knocked me down the stairs.

The first thing to go through my mind was fall on your back, not your stomach. As I was falling I reached for the wall to get my balance. No luck. With my arms pulled back behind me I tumbled down 8 stairs. I heard a noise come from my left arm (which I just had surgery on in June) and seconds later I was on the main floor. Screaming and in tears.

My first though was my shoulder. I couldn't believe it had popped. The pain was incredible. I called my physical therapist (I work at a physical therapy studio) and told her what happened. Her first question was, "how is the baby?" OMG, I hadn't even thought about the baby. I was in shock and my shoulder was hurting me so bad that the lil' bean didn't even cross my mind.

As luck would have it, I had an appointment at 9:45am with my shoulder surgeon. Around 8:30am I called the OBGYN to see if I could take Tylenol for my pain. When I told them I fell down they asked me to come to the office as soon as possible. Another OMG! I can't believe that they are so worried. I can't believe I wasn't so worried. Now, I was worried.

My best friend was kind enough to meet me half way and drive me to my drs appointments so that I would not have to go alone. First stop, the orthopedist. We waited about 45 mins to get into his exam room. The exam was about 5 mins. Once I told him I was preggo he said that there was nothing he could do. His quote, "I'll see you in 9 mos." Basically, there was no use in worrying me about anything that could be wrong with my shoulder because nothing could be done to fix it right now.

Okay, off to the next appointment.

The wait for the OB was about 30 minutes once I got there. However, it felt like 4 hours. Luckily, I had my best friend's little daughter to hang out with. She kept me entertained with games like ring-around-the rosy, the hokey pokey and Prince and Princess make believe. That definitely helped pass the time.

Long story short, I went into the exam room and had an ultrasound. Immediately, we saw the baby's heartbeat. Everything was okay!

I guess the plus side to the story is that I got another picture of the lil' bean.

My note to anyone who has any tendency of being accident prone is to be careful and always let your dog walk downstairs or upstairs before you do.

A lime!

2009-09-28T11:07:00.000-07:00

Last time I posted a visual of the baby's size compared to a quarter it was just a tiny poppyseed.

Well, now it is about the size of a lime! Actually a little bigger (maybe) because this Baby Center update is a four days old.

The BEST side effect

2009-09-28T10:48:00.000-07:00

So many people have asked me if I have any cravings. My general answer is no. However I do have crazy aversions. The thought, smell and/or taste of chicken makes me want to gag. The smell of Benihana restaurant, sadly, is nauseating to me. The smell of seafood of any kind must be avoided at all costs. On a plus note, I no longer have an aversion to my husband! Basically, I like beef, pasta and tofu. I have however, had one craving that I was afraid to submit to.

For the last 5 years I have been severely lactose intolerant. I mean so much so that I wouldn't dare have a bit of dairy. No cheese, no ice cream, no milk, no nothing. Early on in my pregnancy I wanted cheese. Not my normal soy cheese but the real deal. After a few weeks of avoiding the craving at all cost I finally decided to give in. And I am so glad I did! I had no negative side effect from eating the cheese. In fact, it finally sated my craving.

I told this to my OB/GYN at my 11 week appointment. She said it was completely normal for lactose intolerance to reverse itself during pregnancy. Apparently the baby needs calcium and it's needs trump my body's needs right now.

Look out dairy, because here I come! Already I have enjoyed gelato, string cheese, grilled cheese, yogurt, cream cheese and more. I cannot wait to try some other delicious dairy delights that I have not had in years. Chocolate malted crunch ice cream, a mint chocolate chip sundae from 31 flavors, ravioli, manicotti, cheesecake, oh my!!!

11 week ultrasound

2009-09-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

Going into the appointment we really didn't know what to expect except that we would see something. I was so nervous. For two days leading up to the visit I felt too good. It seemed that I had absolutely no symptoms of pregnancy. Of course, I went to worst case scenario that something must be wrong with the baby.

Happily, the baby is awesome! The lil' bean was waving and kicking and tossing and turning all over the place. We were able to make out the nose and mouth. We were able to see the heartbeat and it was the perfect size for where we are at.

Below is a picture. The lil' one was not as photogenic in the printout as he was in the actual ultrasound, but we hear that's normal. To quote Larry, "not to be a bad parent, but this really isn't a good picture of the kid."

Catching up

2009-09-28T09:50:00.000-07:00

It has been about a month since my last post. Exhaustion got the best of me during the first trimester. Rather than write in my down time, I chose to nap! :)

I'll try to post as much as I can about what I missed. Please be advised that some details may be skewed or forgotten due to pregnancy brain. Well, let's just start there.

As of this week I am almost out of my first trimester. Everyone experiences pregnancy differently. In my first trimester, I have found that pregnancy makes me forget things, drop things, repeat things, forget things, mourn my losses, emotional, grateful, tired, pee a lot, hungry, my back hurt and more.

The forgetfulness and clumsiness makes me laugh. I have to write important things down or else they disappear into the ether. I have tripped up and down the stairs more times than I care to admit. I now buy the nail polish when I get a pedicure because I stub my toes so often and need to touch up the paint. I dial phone numbers only to forget who I called while the phone is ringing. I have gone to the market for groceries (with a list) and I still end up missing items when I get home. Hmm, I forgot the other example I wanted to give. Oh well!

The mourning deserves its own post. I will write about that next or very soon.

My emotional state is all over the charts. I can cry at the drop of a hat or explode into laughter. I go from feeling fat and depressed to feeling like a beautiful goddess. I generally feel most beautiful after an ultrasound. There is nothing like seeing the baby moving and kicking. At 11 weeks it looked like a real baby! I expected to be overwhelmed but had no idea it would be so touching. Even Larry was taken aback by the lil' bean.

This time has really made me appreciate the wonderful people in my life. I am so grateful for my amazing husband. I cannot imagine anyone being more loving, attentive and understanding. I also had no idea how much love surrounded me. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in the loss of my mom or the estrangement from my dad, so much so that I forget to be excited about the pregnancy. I have been hesitant to tell people because it will make me vulnerable or what if no one responds. Well, the exact opposite is the case. People are so excited! It is nice to be out of the 3rd month. Telling people has been one of my greatest joys to date.

I have already touched on the exhaustion

OMG, I thought that getting up once a night to pee was bad. Now that I am pregnant I wish I only woke up once a night. So far my record is 7 times!

The eating! I must say it is tough to get used to the eating. They say you only need 300 extra calories a day but it is easy to exceed that suggestion. I seem to be hungry every 2 hours. I have learned that small meals are the way to go. Plus, getting too full feels awful. The hardest thing about the eating is the aversions. I do not have any cravings, but there are plenty of foods that make my stomach turn at the thought of them.

My back is a whole other situation. I am not really even showing and I haven't gained much weight (4 lbs), but my back is killing me! If I exercise and stretch it hurts less, but man oh man, it scares me for later on when I actually have a tummy.

I will touch on a lot of these subjects in individual posts at some point or another. This was just a quick summary of what's been going on.

Missing Mom

2009-08-31T08:36:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first time that I felt overwhelmingly sad about going through this process without my mom.

After watching, "The Perfect Storm," I fell asleep on the couch for 2 hours. I woke up, not because I felt refreshed, but because of horrible cramping. One of my least favorite 1st trimester symptoms is the constant cramping. My OB said it was perfectly normal, especially because I cramped before pregnancy. She said that the uterus does what it knows and mine knows cramping.

As I was tossing and turning on the couch trying to find a comfortable position, all I wanted was to call my mom and just talk. I wanted to talk about nothing and everything but at least have her there to tell her how I was feeling and to get her advice. Did she have the same cramping during pregnancy? Would she laugh at my stories of nonsensical hysterics, especially considering I don't usually cry?

Just to spend a couple of minutes or longer on the phone to share. That's it. Sadly, I will never have that. I don't get my mom. I don't get to share this experience with her. I don't get to call her when I feel like no one else understands me specifically. That option is not available. What is available is her memory and deciding for myself what she would say to me during the times I would need her most. Sometimes that is enough. Last night it wasn't.

Sometimes I just wish. I wish that she could come over and hang with me on the couch or that I could go visit her; just her presence, she wouldn't even need to do anything, just be there. It doesn't matter how old I am or what phase of life I may be in, I'll always miss my mommy. Today, I am sad that she cannot share in what the lives of her children and extended family have to offer.

I also miss my Grandma Pearl very much right now. When the three of us (Pearl, Max and Sam) would hang out, we always had the greatest time. Sometimes it is weird because I feel like I have no one left in my maternal line. But I am left and I have a wonderful cousin Erica (my mom's niece) who may as well have been my mom's daughter. I think it is time to establish more of a relationship with her.

Tired With a Chance of Smell Aversion

2009-08-31T08:16:00.001-07:00

I am in my 8th week of pregnancy and have to say that I have been relatively lucky when it comes to nausea, food aversions, or other symptoms that can plague women in their first trimester. The most difficult thing for me is the exhaustion. Between 2 - 5 pm my world stops and I must take a nap. I generally don't have another option, it just is the way it is.

The newest addition in my arsenal of oddities are aversions to certain smells. I have heard and read about women who cannot do chicken or certain foods. I have friends who had to get rid of all the scented candles in their house. However, until now I have never heard of an aversion so crazy as my own.

In fact, I have two aversions. The first is not so bad. I simply cannot stand the smell of Benihana Restaurant. When I walk by or if I walk inside I have to get out of the vicinity immediately. The second aversion is more difficult. I actually didn't put two and two together about why it was happening until last night. I honestly thought it was just a problem.

My second aversion is my husband. I cannot stand his smell right now. I find this remarkably interesting because under non pregnant circumstances his scent is the most wonderful delight. Suddenly, I can tell when he walks into a room by his smell. The thing is, he does not smell like body odor. It is just a new smell. He hasn't changed anything, yet it is difficult for me to be around him. This is not all the time, but sometimes it is unbearable.

The hardest thing was telling him about it last night. I felt so bad, especially because he may have the best hygiene of any human I have ever met. Long story short, we came to realize that this aversion was due to my pregnancy. Luckily the internet played a hand in helping us realize that it isn't him at all. Just my nose playing tricks on me. This article about the Scent of a Man, was a God send.

After we found that other women have this same aversion we decided to do a couple of scent filled experiments. He placed a scented candle under my nose and I could barely smell it. Next was some lotion. I couldn't smell it at all. In fact, it seems that my sense of smell is not heightened but diminished. I would say that wonderful smells have become less prominent, maybe allowing for less pleasant smells to become more distinguishable. Weird right?

1st OB Appointment and changes

2009-08-31T07:56:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday we had our first OB appointment. Below is the lil Bean.

According to the ultrasound I was 7 weeks and 5 days at the time of the appointment. This pushed up my estimated due date to April 10. As of this appointment (4 days ago), the embryo was 14.5 mm.

A lot is changing with me. Not necessarily my body, but my emotions. Mood swings are a new daily visitor. Yesterday we watched, "The Perfect Storm." I cried for nearly 5 minutes at the end. We are not talking a weepy cry. We're talking a cry from the gut as if I had personally known the characters in the movie. To me, nothing could have been more tragic at that very moment.

The other day we were walking to the gym. At the intersection a crossing guard was there to help us on our way. While waiting at the corner, a fire engine's siren began to blare in the background. The crossing guard walked into flowing traffic and stopped the cars so that the fire truck could get by quickly and without a worry. After the truck had passed, Lar and I walked across the street. I asked Larry if he thought it was as cool as I did that the guard walked into traffic. He responded that the guard was a, "hero." Right then and there I started crying. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and emotion for the crossing guard who made it just a little easier for the fire truck to get to their destination and possibly save a life.

Also, don't get me hungry. If I go more than a few hours without a bite I get snappy.

Whereas I am a mixed bag of emotions, my husband is an ANGEL. He is doing a great job keeping me calm, fed and constantly telling me that I am beautiful. Thank goodness for him and his ability to keep me grounded.

Feeling Crazy

2009-08-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

In the last 6 days I have had 2 emotional outbursts that rendered me hysterical. On top of that, I feel super thick because I am bloated. Some women at 6 weeks cannot even tell a difference in their bodies. Because I started out 6 lbs heavier than I usually weigh, I feel gigantic AND I know I am only at the beginning of this whole process.

My outbursts came as a surprise to me, but Larry on the other hand, knew what I was experiencing was completely normal. He is reading, "What to Expect When You Are Expecting," and I am not. This has made Larry more prepared for some of the changes than I am. In fact, he was able to laugh off the outbursts while still managing to make sure I felt taken care of. He knew I wasn't nuts, just extra hormonal. I just felt crazy.

So, what were my outbursts about? Oh, well the first one was plain crazy. On Saturday night we stayed at a hotel while in Vegas. We were brushing our teeth and getting ready for bed in the bathroom which had the most horrendous lighting. Somehow, the lighting accentuated a vein that I have in my arm.

Now this vein is super pronounced for a reason. When I had my wisdom teeth removed over 10 years ago, there was a mistake made with the anesthesia. As a result I got phlebitis in the vein that they used to anesthetize me. The vein ended up collapsing and a smaller one to the left of the main vein took over. This vein, due to increased blood flow tends to stand out.

It doesn't look pronounced here, but it is in real life. I promise!

The thing is, I have never been bothered by it before. However, under the lighting in the bathroom at the Westin I saw it and almost passed out. It looked like a huge varicose vein running down my entire arm. It was popping out, dark and just plain gross. Seconds after the discovery of the newly accentuated vein I burst into tears. As pictured, it doesn't look as bad anymore. I think it was so bad because it was hot in Vegas and I just took a hot shower.

Larry started laughing but sat by my side comforting me. Like I said, he knew it was the hormones. I knew too, but that didn't help. The thing is, I don't usually cry. So this new crying for no reason situation is difficult for me to wrap my arms around. I think I had a total of 3 different moments that I broke into tears about the vein that night. Yes, 3 times!

On Tuesday night I got home and fell asleep on the couch until Larry got home from work. In the background a movie was on. When Lar got home I woke up and started watching the end of the movie. Larry was in the kitchen and asked me to come hang out with him. I went into the kitchen and we started chatting. A couple of minutes later I burst into tears and starting apologizing for being a horrible wife. I had no idea where it came from, but suddenly I felt like a bad spouse because I was fat.

My hips are hanging over my pants. Not normal for me.

Sitting up straight my tummy has rolls and I have an odd thickness to my waist and back

In reality, I know I am not fat. I am definitely a little pudgy right now, but fat is a bit of an extreme label. Again, Larry was able to laugh this one off, but I haven't been able to. I think this is where the balance of being pregnant starts to dual with my eating disorder past. I am eating healthy and exercising, but my body is changing. Despite expecting these changes this shift in body image is hard for me to grasp. Larry listened to me, hugged me when I needed it and told me he would love me if I gained 100 lbs during pregnancy. Well, as long as I eventually lost it.

Later I was on Facebook and my cousin Joree started a chat. I told her how I was feeling and she gave me a mantra. I AM NOT FAT, I AM PREGNANT. Although it seems simple and obvious, saying it out loud tends to center me and bring me back to reality. I use this mantra multiple times a day to get myself through the tough moments.

Mantra aside, I still went out and bought some new, looser tops today. I mean, a girl has to feel pretty when she gets dressed!

Welcome Kyle

2009-08-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

On Friday, August 14 (1:35 am), after 25 1/2 (ouch!) hours of labor, Kyle Austin Sher was born at home. He weighed 9lbs 2oz and was 21.5" long. Mama and baby are doing fantastic!

My thoughts are the home birth are favorable. I thought the entire process was amazing.

Brad prepping the birth tub

Glenda's water broke at 12:30am on August 13th. During her 25 1/2 hours of labor she was able to "relax" at home. She had 2 of her close friends/massage therapists rubbing her through each contraction. She had another friend who had already been through the home birth process...twice, mentoring her. She was able to rest in her own bed and she even took a few walks in the swimming pool. Every person present seemed to have a role in the process. The doulla, Marcie, assigned me as the tough love sister.

Glenda walking in the pool with Marcie watching

The hard thing about a home birth (well, besides no epidural), is it seemed hard for Glenda to rest. I am sure that is the case with any birth, but in this case she had a tight knit group of ladies and a loving husband taking care of her. Glenda being the great host that she is, was more worried about everyone's level of entertainment vs. resting. As a result, she put unecessary pressure on herself to speed up the process. Well, that and she was ready to have the baby out. At this point, Glenda was 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant. She 100% thought she was going to deliver early, so when she went over the 40 weeks, she was more than ready.

Cheryl massaging Glenda

The great thing about the home birth is once the baby was born, Glenda got to crawl into bed with Kyle and rest. Before that, while in the tub the midwife didn't cut the umbilical cord right away. The time with the cord attached was given to Glenda to rest, appreciate the moment and bond with Kyle. Once the cord was cut, they crawled into bed. She was in her space, they examined him and she didn't have to stay in a hospital. The kids woke up about an hour after the delivery and ran into the room to welcome their new brother.

Kyle less than 24 hours old

The best part of all, because she was in water, the 9lb 2oz baby was able to make his way out without a tear or rip. Glenda went through the pains of labor, but now she will have less pain post partum and less recovery time.

Out of nowhere!

2009-08-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up feeling great. When the select few who know about my little peanut would ask how I was feeling, the answer was always, "I wouldn't even know I was pregnant." Well, as of 5 pm today that all changed.

One second I was feeling peachy keen, the next I was beyond nauseous. In fact, I ended up telling a friend/co-worker the news because I was not able to train the client I was working with. Luckily, she jumped into action and took over for me.

Now I am not kidding you when I say it changed in one second. Along with the nausea, my boobs suddenly started hurting. When I say hurt, I mean they went from being completely normal to more sensitive than they have ever been in my life.

When I left work, I drove over a few speed bumps. As the front wheels climbed the bump, I had no idea about what was in store. When the wheels made their way over the bump to the other side, my boobs bounced along with the movement. It hurt so bad that for a second I thought they fell off.

I take this all as great news. I want to feel the symptoms of pregnancy. I feel like the next 6 weeks are an odd waiting game. With each new symptom, I get closer to the prize...

Vegas for Baby

2009-08-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

Good morning from Las Vegas! No, I am not here for a fun filled bender on the strip. Come on people!

My brother, Brad and sister-in-law, Glenda live in Vegas. Glenda was due yesterday with her 3rd child. Right now she is asleep on the couch in the office, the baby still safely nestled in her belly. At this point in her pregnancy, she is ready for the action to commence. Apparently, once you hit 40 weeks you are more than ready to meet the baby because everything is uncomfortable, including but not limited to eating, sitting, lying down, lifting kids, driving, and going to the bathroom. It seems no stone is left unturned in your body preparing you for the "get this baby out of me" phase.

While other women and families tend to have at least one set of parents present for major milestones or to visit grandkids, Glenda and Brad generally do not. I was present for the birth of my niece, Sydney (almost 5) and nephew, Dylan (2 1/2). I don't want to miss this one either. In most cases, I am the only immediate family available to help out before and after the baby is born or when someone is sick. Unfortunately, we don't live in the same city. Fortunately, we are only an hour flight apart.

Me with the Sher Family on Mother's Day

Glenda is from a small town in Ireland called Kavan. It is such a quaint place and her family is incredible. They visit as often as possible, but they are still a country and an ocean away. Brad, on the other hand has a bunch of family in Los Angeles.

Sadly, our dad doesn't really ever come up to visit. I think the current statistic is one visit per year, unless there is some emergency. Pleasure trips to visit the family are non existent. If my mom were alive, she would be here every month or two (my stepdad actually does come up that often). That was just her style. She would not want to miss out on the grandkids growing up. She would have also made sure to have been here for Glenda and Brad during this time. I don't think I am putting her on a pedestal when I say she was the epitome of what a mom is and I miss her a lot at these times. I am sure Brad does too, although he doesn't readily admit it.

I am sure you are wondering how Brad and Glenda met if he is from LA and she is from Ireland. No she is not a mail order bride! Brad and I went to Australia to celebrate my graduating from college and to spend some quality time together on the eve of the one year anniversary of our mom's passing. Brad decided to extend his trip and I decided to leave the trip a day early. Rather than stay in a hotel, Brad decided to find a hostel. Long story short, he met Glenda that night, March 16, 2001, at the hostel on the one year anniversary of losing our mom. They had weeks to travel New Zealand and Australia together. I feel like my mom was somehow involved in arranging it so that Brad would meet Glenda on that particular day. Ever since, she has filled his saddened heart with a new joy.

Back to my story, Glenda may be the cutest pregnant lady I have ever seen. She doesn't look pregnant from behind. She has a huge tummy only visible from the front or side view. Considering I have already gained a few, I do not expect to carry like her. She is non-stop action: picking up the two kids, running around after them, swimming with them, etc. She is a pregnant super hero in my eyes.

Pregnant Glenda swimming with Kids

Seriously?

I am here until Sunday and hope she that delivers before I leave. Glenda is doing a home birth. She will have a midwife, a doulla, a massage therapist, friends and family present for Kyle's grand entrance. She has already experienced two children the "traditional" way, in the hospital. This time she would like to try a more natural and less stressful approach. She will deliver Kyle in a birthing tub filled with water. There will be no IVs or monitors, just those present and her experience. She will be able to eat up until the last second and walk around when she feels necessary. Everyone expected to attend provided a list of their suggested songs. We turned that into a 6 hour compilation they will play during the birthing process.

Kids Playing in Birthing Tub

Sydney and Dylan are so excited for the birth. They have both watched home birthing videos and seem to totally understand what is going on. Dylan comes in from school everyday asking to watch the birthing video. The kids have seen that there is blood involved but are not afraid in the slightest. They have had great questions and love being a part of the process. One of my favorite questions from Sydney is, "Mommy why doesn't the baby come out of the butt instead? It is so much bigger!"

One theory about home birth is that some children feel alienated or jealous of a new sibling joining the family. By allowing the kids to be a part of the process they will feel more involved with the new baby as a whole and in turn be more accepting of its arrival. According to the midwife, pregnancy is not a medical condition. It is a natural process that the body knows how to accomplish. The only reason Glenda would end up in the hospital is if the baby is in distress or there is a complication that turns it into a medical condition. Glenda's midwife has delivered over 2000 babies and only 1 case ended up in the hospital. If for some reason a complication occurs the hospital is just down the street. Less than 5 minutes.

On my end, I can't wait to witness a home birth vs a hospital birth. I have probably seen more than a woman with no kids who is now pregnant should see. I wonder if the home birth will seem a lot more gentle despite no epidural. I'll keep you posted...

Off to Celebrate

2009-08-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

On Friday night Lar and I went on a date to celebrate. We had a lovely evening. Our plan was to go to Little Dom's: an Italian restaurant in Los Feliz. Unfortunately, we did not make a reservation so those plans fell through. After an easy search we landed at a cute Italian restaurant that we had been to once before, Il Carpacio. The food was delicious, although the night ended much earlier than usual. On the plus side, our bill was much less expensive without the one or two glasses of wine I may have consumed.

Before we got our food, Larry made a toast. He toasted with wine and I, of course, with my water. Actually it was Lar's water. I always get water with no ice, but finished mine so quickly that I had to toast with his. I have noticed that I am much thirstier than usual. I always need water or am thinking about when I can get my next refill.

A Toast to Baby

Besides the great dinner and greater company, I could not help but getting concerned over food and weight. I know I am only 4 weeks along, but already food has become an issue. Am I supposed to eat when I am hungry? How much should I eat? I guess one of the reasons for my concern is that I am already 6 pounds heavier than my normal weight. Well, that and I was bulimic from 15 - 20. While I haven't been for over 10 years, the emotional attachment to food is hard to kick.

Anyway, as I mentioned before, I had shoulder surgery 1.5 months ago. Without my regular exercise, I put on a few. Now that I am pregnant, I feel like I am starting out with a disadvantage. I want to give the baby all of the nutrients he/she needs, but I also want to make sure that I stay emotionally healthy around my food issues. I know I can do it. I will always favor the baby. All I am saying is that it is already tough.

All issues aside, the food was delicious. See for yourself...

Lar's Lasagna

My Bolognese

Now What?

2009-08-06T14:01:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I called my OB to tell the office the good news. That afternoon they sent me to a lab to get my blood work.

This morning I got the phone call. Maria, the nurse (who I love) left a message. She said, "blood results have confirmed that you are pregnant. Your progesterone levels look normal. Let's schedule your first OB appointment. Congratulations."

I ran upstairs to find Larry. He was brushing his teeth. Once he was done (it can take a while), I played the message for him. This is the call that we didn't even know we were waiting for. Suddenly, we both got excited.

Over the last 48 hours I have also registered on BabyCenter.com. One of the first things you can determine on the site is your due date. I found the calculator and entered in the date of my last period, July 5, 2009. According to Baby Center my due date is April 11, 2010. I am 4 weeks along and my baby is the size of a poppyseed.

The poppyseed in comparison to a quarter

My first appointment is August 27. Lar and I are going together. I'll update as I learn more or as I experience whatever it is that I am going to experience.

On a side note, why doesn't anyone talk about the cramping that comes along with the early stage of pregnancy? I had never heard about it in the past (I know a lot of mommies), but now that I have said it and told my doctor, everyone says they had it too. It literally feels like I am about to get my period. Guess not.

The Hubby's Reaction

2009-08-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

Larry (husband) was not home when I took the test. I didn't want to tell him over the phone for 2 reasons: 1. I wanted to see his reaction and 2. he is a writer and I knew this would break his ability to concentrate. For this reason, I must suggest taking a pregnancy test when your significant other is around. I now had a huge secret and I wanted to share it!

Countdown begins: t-minus 5 hours until I get to share the news with the husband.

After I took the positive test, I emailed Larry telling him that I was excited for him to come home. He immediately emailed back reminding me that he was working late, but then asked why I was excited. Then without me saying anything he said, "ooh, did you get me something from Costco?" I had to think quickly on my feet. "Yes," I replied.

The rest of the conversation goes as follows:

Larry -will I see it when I walk in the house?

Sam (that's me) - I could make that happen if you want.

Larry - Oh, so it's not big, huh? bummer.

Sam - I think you will like it.

Larry - Give me a hint.

Sam - It is life changing.

Larry - Ooh, did you get me a tie rack? Another bbq?

Sam - I don't knooow...you'll have to see when you get home.

Larry - Ok. fine. Can't wait to come home.

After we hung up, I had about 30 minutes to kill before my friend came to dinner. I wanted to call and tell the world, but also knew that it is/was too risky to tell people so early. More than anything, I wanted to call my mom. My mom passed away March 16, 2000. Not having her around to share in the news was a difficult moment. I allowed myself to process my sadness and then I called my brother.

My friend and I went to dinner at PF Chang's. I thought I would be able to hold it in for sure, but I ended up telling her the news. I mean, it was almost impossible to have kept it a secret. She got married the weekend after we did and we have sort of been on the same track (until now).

Long story short, I told her the story you just read above. Then she asked how I was going to tell Larry. Together we decided to go to Bed Bath and Beyond to buy a tie rack. That was after all, what he joked about wanting. I placed the pregnancy test in the box with the rack inside some bubble wrap and put a post it that said, "read me" on the test. Then I placed a post it on the plastic wrap that read, "take me out." Finally, I placed a post it on the outside of the box, "open me." I wrapped the gift and wrote, "Suprise for Laurence" on the box.

He called me on the ride home, still questioning what the potential surprise could be. Then he said, "ooh the pair of adidas I have been wanting." That was the idea he stuck with. When he got home he saw the wrapped box that had very similar measurements to a shoe box. He was sure it was the Adidas.

Larry opened the box and started laughing when he saw the box for the tie rack, but still was clueless about what was coming. Next, he noticed the post it note on the outside of the box and followed the directions to open the box. He opened the box to find the post it saying, "take me out" on the bubble wrap. After what seemed like an eternity he got to the note that said "read me" accompanied by the test. Smiling he said, "what's this?" Then it registered, his face went blank and he was speechless. The poor guy just worked an exhausting 12 hour day and I just sprung this on him. Shock would be the understatement of the year by the look on his face and his lack of response.

The breaking news was finally reported. To confirm what he saw on the stick we took another test at 11:30 -- it was positive! Okay, this is now the real deal. Then with the two tests in hand, we took another picture.

Larry's reaction

I think today (Aug 6) is the first day that Larry has come out of his shocked state. He hasn't really had time to process nor have we had time together. We are both looking forward to this weekend. Oh, and he said he has already started thinking about names. Here we go!

I'm What?!

2009-08-06T08:38:00.001-07:00

I have no idea about when I ovulate or where I am in my cycle. I knew that the first day of my last period was July 5. On August 4, I decided to take a pregnancy test fully expecting it to read "negative." Mind you, this is not the first test I have ever taken, but it is the first I have taken while trying to not try. In the past I took a test out of fear that I may be pregnant. This time it was a whole different story.

The thing is, I have had a rough month so I really, truly did not believe that we would conceive the first time out of the gates. I went to my OBGYN on July 16th for a routine check up. I figured now that I had been to the doctor, we could play without worries. For one week, we played and played. The following week I got a phone call from the doctor saying that I had an abnormal test result and they wanted to do a biopsy to be sure all was fine. On July 27, I went in for a cervical biopsy. It HURT more than I could ever explain. That night I got a call that my brother was in the hospital.

Long story short, he was really sick in the hospital for days before they diagnosed him with viral meningitis. He is married with 2 kids and one about to arrive any time. Unfortunately, as pregnant as she was, his wife could not stay by his side. My brother is my best friend so when I found out he was alone, I drove to Vegas (he lives there) to be with him. I stayed in Vegas Wednesday through Sunday. Happily, my bro is home now, but still on the road to recovery.

On Monday I called my doctor to find out the test results, but they had already closed shop for the day. The next morning I called first thing. Results were negative! I called my husband, we celebrated for a moment over the phone and then went on with our merry day.

That evening I went to Costco and saw that they sell 4 packs of pregnancy tests. I bought the pack thinking it would come in handy over the next couple of months. When I got home, I decided to take a test just to prove that I wasn't pregnant. After all, I had and still have cramping and feel like I am getting my period. I took the test at 5:50 pm, 5 hours before my husband came home. I didn't think about waiting for him to take the test because I was sure it was negative. Boy was I wrong!

Holy Crap, I'm Pregnant

I couldn't believe the results, I immediately called my best friend, told her and sent her the above picture for her to confirm what I was sure was impossible.

She did.

I freaked.

I couldn't believe my husband was working late this night of all nights. So I emailed him saying I was excited for him to come home.

Let's try without trying

2009-08-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

Two days ago (August 4) I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I decided in May that we would "have fun"after my shoulder surgery, which was June 17. By "have fun" we meant, let's go off of the pill, but not actively work at getting pregnant. If it happens it happens. Well, it happened and it happened fast. After only the first month of "having fun" we have conceived.

Actually, I am not quite as excited as I feel like I should be. With so many friends who have miscarried their first, I find myself more nervous than anything. I'd say we are cautiously optimistic at this point.

That being said, we feel so lucky that this has happened so quickly. I don't know if every woman feels this way, but I was scared for so long that I would not be able to get pregnant. Obviously this was unfounded, but you don't know what you don't know. Up until now, I haven't tried to get pregnant so I had no idea if I could.

With 2 nieces and 4 nephews (well, almost 4 -- Kyle is due next week), I used to think I was better prepared for this process. Ends up, I'm not. I had no idea that I would already have so many questions. Unfortunately, my mom passed away almost 10 years ago, so I feel a bit disadvantaged when it comes to asking questions. Basically, my maternal line is almost non-existent. While I know I have friends and amazing family members that I can ask about the experience, there is nothing like your mom. Now while celebrating the journey of bringing a baby to life, I also mourn my mother more than ever.

I have just figured out why I am writing. This blog is about preparing to be a mommy and going through it without my mommy. I have titled this blog "Sweet Pea and Me" because my mom and grandma called me Sweet Pea.